1. Buyer Love Letters Aren’t Working? Try a Love SONG

Brock & Lori Harris, Realtors, Los Angeles, CA

The Los Angeles real estate market is one of the busiest in the nation. “In some markets, it’s causing absolute chaos! No agent wants to have to sort through 50+ offers, but it’s happening often.

“We’ve routinely had buyers who’ve written on homes with 40 to 60 offers, and these have resulted in some pretty creative strategies to get their offers noticed. One musician client of ours wrote and recorded an original Buyer Love Song to accompany their offer, and guess what—it worked!”

2. This Duplex’s Value Jumped by 6x in a Single Month

Marina Vaamonde, CEO of HouseCashIn, Houston, TX

“A few months ago, someone bought a rundown, uninhabitable duplex just down the street from my house for $10,000. This property was practically a tear-down. A month later, there was a For Sale sign up in front of it. List price? $55,000. They didn’t do a single thing to it. I don’t even think they set foot in the place.”

“It eventually sold for $65,000; not bad for an investment held for about a month!”

3. Remember When Sellers Were Asked to Pay Closing Costs? Lol

Jimmy Hughes, Realtor, Oklahoma City, OK

“This market has completely flipped who pays for what when it comes to closing. Buyers are now paying for closing costs—it’s practically expected in offers! Prior to this year’s market, many lenders I’ve worked with literally didn’t even have a way to account for this in their systems because it happened so rarely.” 

4. An Offer So Good the Clients Decided NOT to Sell

Martin Orefice, Realtor, CEO, Rent To Own Labs

“Recently, clients of mine approached me with questions about selling their home—not uncommon with the astronomical prices we’re seeing right now. At every stage of the preparation process—running comps, getting an appraisal, evaluating competition—our best guess at the home’s value kept going up.”

“These clients were torn between the options of selling and trading up, or building an addition on their current home. Throughout the process I was never sure which way they were going to go. They eventually decided to go ahead and list the house, and the showings with offers started pouring in immediately. The offers were well above our sky-high asking price. As they were considering those offers, all of a sudden, they decided not to sell.”

“They took the offers they were getting to the bank, applied for a cash-out refinance, and completely transformed their very modest starter home into a dream house.” 

5. Showings Limited to 10 Minutes & a Line of Buyers Out the Door

Rob Kittle, Broker, Fort Collins, CO

“I can’t overstate how elevated the supply / demand in Colorado has been. It’s not uncommon for homes and property to be selling at unprecedented prices, often for all cash, often with no contingencies.”

“For really desirable properties (in a great location, with great schools, and with excellent community amenities), things are amplified. We recently listed a home where the demand was so strong that in order to give everyone who wanted to see the house a chance, we literally had buyers lined up outside, a time limit of 10 minutes per showing, and over 70 showings in a single weekend.”

6. Coming Soon = Under Contract Before the List Date

Cassie Alongi, Co-founder, We Buy Any House in California, Riverside County, CA

“In my local market (Riverside County, CA), we have the option of listing properties in our MLS as “coming soon” just before they actually hit the market. If these listings are in a highly sought-after price range ($350,000 to $600,000), it is practically a guarantee that you’ll get multiple, sight-unseen offers, many without inspection or appraisal contingencies, before showings are even allowed.”

7. Yes, Perfect Transactions Really Do Exist

Ryan Braswell, Broker, Bohemia, NY

“It seems like there’s nothing but stories of the outlandish and unbelievable from our market, and despite all of that, I still found a unicorn client. One showing, one offer, one contract, one inspection, one closing. No delays, no drama. The bank said our deal was so clean they didn’t even need an appraisal.”

8. Neighborhood Prowler? Nope, Just a Desperate Buyer

Lauren Reynolds, Realtor, Fairfield County, CT

“Last summer I was unlocking the front door of a house that was off-market to show a client, and a woman with a New York license plate stopped me asking if I was interested in selling my home. She thought I was the homeowner and she had been prowling the neighborhood looking for houses to buy that weren’t on the market yet. I think that shows you how competitive, and aggressive, some homebuyers have become!”

Your Turn

Got a wild story about your local real estate market! The Close wants to know! Tell us in the comments below.

The post 8 Stories That Illustrate Just How Ridiculous the Real Estate Market Has Been in 2022 appeared first on The Close.

1. San Francisco Is a City Built on Ships

During the California Gold Rush, hopeful prospectors sailed to California from all around the world. Once they arrived, many sailors, and even captains, abandoned their ships with hopes of striking it rich in the goldfields.

Because real estate in San Francisco was at a premium (even back then!), the ships were repurposed as jails, houses, or hotels. Some rotted and sank in the harbor or burned in the fire of 1851. Enterprising speculators just continued building, right on top of the sunken ships.

When digging tunnels for the Bay Area light rail in 1994, crews discovered a fully intact ship, The Rome. Too big to dislodge, they just kept tunneling, which means the J, K, L, M, N, and T trains travel right through its hull. An estimated 70 ships lie buried under some of the most expensive real estate in the world.

2. Eagles May Symbolize Freedom From Monthly Payments

There are many ways that homeowners used to celebrate the full payment of their mortgage, including the “house warming” explained in number 27. But one of the more popular (and deeply American) ways was to put a cast iron eagle on the outside of a home. This announced to the world that the house was owned free and clear and that the owner was free from mortgage payments!

3. We Really Don’t Build Them Like They Used To

Castles remain some of the most expensive real estate in the world, and the most famous ones would cost a staggering amount to recreate today. For example, the Palace of Versailles outside of Paris would cost an estimated $200 billion to $300 billion in today’s U.S. dollars. Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina, would cost $157.2 million, and Hearst Castle in California would be $750 million to build.

4. Many NYC Gilded Age Mansions Didn’t Last 50 Years

Fifth Avenue was one of the grandest addresses in the entire world in the 1890s. Vanderbilts, Carnegies, and Astors outbid and outbuilt each other, creating massive mansions that were not only excessively expensive to build, but crazy expensive to maintain.

By the 1920s, many were already being torn down. Between taxes, servants, and upkeep, it could cost $5 million a year to run a mansion in New York.

In 1925, Alice Vanderbilt sold her mansion, the largest private home in Manhattan, for $6.1 million ($83.2 million in today’s dollars). The land was put to good use, though, as the house was demolished to make way for Bergdorf Goodman.

5. The Smallest House in GB Is Just 72 Inches Wide

Located in Conwy, Wales, the smallest house in Great Britain is known as Y Tŷ Lleiaf ym Mhrydain Fawr, or the Quay House. It measures 72 inches across, 122 inches high, and 120 inches deep. It was built in the 16th century and despite its size, was home to numerous families throughout the generations.

The most recent occupant was a fisherman named Robert Jones, who bought it in 1891 for £20 (about 27 U.S. dollars). He lived there happily for many years, despite being 6’ 3” tall.

When the local council condemned the home, considering it to be uninhabitable, Jones protested by traveling the country, measuring homes to ensure that his was, in fact, the smallest in Great Britain. By officially affirming this superlative, he saved his home, which is still a tourist destination.

6. Teddy Roosevelt Officially Named The White House

Generations of Presidents called The White House home, but they didn’t officially call it The White House. Instead, they called it the Executive Residence, Executive Mansion, or the People’s House.

None of these have the same Presidential ring as The White House, so it was Theodore Roosevelt who decided to make The White House official. It is repainted every four to six years to keep it that symbolic white, which requires a staggering 570 gallons of paint!

7. You Can Stay in a Lighthouse in the Middle of the Ocean

Frying Pan Shoals have claimed hundreds of ships and thousands of lives off the southeastern coast of North Carolina. A light tower was finally built 1966, but was decommissioned by 2004 as technology made it obsolete.

A fellow named Richard Neal purchased the tower from a government auction for $85,000 and turned it into Frying Pan Shoals Tower, a bed and breakfast. Arrive by helicopter and spend your time deep-sea fishing off the wraparound walkways.

As the government continues to decommission lighthouses and towers, there are a number of lighthouses one can buy, so keep an eye on those government auctions.

8. This Old House Started the DIY Craze in the 1970s

Today, This Old House is one of the most popular renovation shows in the world and can claim the honor of having started it all. While there was skepticism back in its early days about how many people would tune in to see plumbers and electricians doing their thing, it turns out that American audiences do care about how to properly refinish historic floorboards and will tune in to watch.

9. Open Houses Used to Last for 12 Long Hours

The first realtors were called “curbstoners,” and they were pretty much hustlers. When a house was for sale, they would rush over, put up a big sign, and sit on the curb in front of the house from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., ushering prospective buyers in for an “inspection.” The competition was fierce and it sometimes got ugly. It also limited each realtor to selling just one house at a time.

As the profession became more organized and agencies grew, they could take on more listings. Instead of having a 12-hour “inspection” period, the industry shifted to a two- or three-hour open house. The first record of an open house offering incentives was in 1952, when an agent in Dallas, Texas, offered free Coca-Cola to attendees and a Cadillac to whomever purchased the property.

10. John Travolta’s Driveway Is Really a Runway

Not only is John Travolta an accomplished actor with serious dance moves, he is also a certified private pilot. It was always his dream to live in a place where he could pull his plane right up to the house, and he made that dream come true with his house in Jumbolair Aviation Estates, just outside Ocala, Florida.

There, Travolta is surrounded by runways (including the largest private runway in the U.S.) and fellow aviation enthusiasts. For a while, he had a giant Boeing 707 parked in his driveway (runway?). He’s since donated that aircraft, but his passion for planes and flying continues —right from his front yard.

11. The Phrase ‘Making the Bed’ Used To Be Quite Literal

Bill Bryson’s fascinating history, “At Home, A Short History of Private Life,” has hundreds of interesting facts about how we have evolved to our current patterns of domestic life. Our favorite is about one of our most commonly used phrases (especially when planning an open house), “make the bed.”

In the middle ages in England, people would gather and sleep in a great hall or living area in their homes. Private bedrooms weren’t a thing yet, except for very wealthy landowners who might enjoy private sleeping quarters in their castle.

The main hall or room served many purposes, so beds would have to be constructed every night out of straw or horsehair pallets, and picked up every day.

12. Real Estate Wire Fraud Caused Losses of $213 Million+

Wire fraud is one of the most prevalent cybercrimes we face today, and 2020 was one of the worst years for it. According to the  National Association of Realtors (NAR), 13,638 Americans fell victim to wire fraud in both real estate sales and rental transactions — an astounding 17% increase over 2019. There are even predictions that cyberattacks and scams will double by 2025.

To learn more about how wire fraud happens and how to prevent it, watch our video about the top five real estate scams so you can protect yourself from them.

13. A Secret Apartment Sits Atop the Eiffel Tower

As a part of his commission for the design and construction of the most famous Parisian landmark, Gustov Eiffel built and maintained ownership of a secret, 1,000-square-foot apartment near the top of the Eiffel Tower.

French aristocrats, international VIPs, and even royalty frequently offered Eiffel more than $1,000 (equivalent to over 25,000 U.S. dollars today) for a chance to spend just one night in the most exclusive apartment in France.

While he never rented the space to anyone, he did occasionally entertain “thinkers and artists who inspired the world”—including Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla (on separate evenings, of course—it’s a pretty small pad).

14. It’s Illegal to Keep An Alligator in Your Tub in Arkansas

Legislators seem to really want to restrict what homeowners can do with their bathrooms. Of course, every state has strange, inexplicable laws still on the books, but did you know it’s illegal to have a donkey in your bathtub in Brooklyn or to keep an ‘gator in your tub in Arkansas? And forget about keeping your horse in a bathtub in South Carolina.

You’d be surprised to learn you can’t bathe after 10 p.m. in Piqua, Ohio, and you must be fully clothed to take a bath in Portland, Oregon.

At least in most places, you can have a bathtub in your house. It’s technically still illegal in Virginia.

15. Barns Are Traditionally Red for a Reason

Farmhouses and barns across America are traditionally red, but that’s not by accident. Farmers, ever a thrifty bunch, experimented to find cheap ways to make paint. They used what they had on hand: lime, milk, and red iron oxide (what we commonly call rust) and mixed it all together. Voila, they made a nice red paint—and at a bargain!

16. Secret Oil Rigs Are Hidden in Downtown Los Angeles

It’s no secret that there’s oil in them-there California hills, and evidently, downtown Los Angeles is no exception. There are secret office towers and industrial buildings in this southern California mecca that house massive oil drilling operations. One installation outside of The Grove shopping center has produced close to 20 million barrels of oil as of 2009.

17. Canada & Denmark Are Disputing Some Vacant Property

Canada and Denmark have a pretty long-running dispute over a piece of vacant land that is technically in water controlled by Denmark. Still, Canada also has a legitimate claim to it.

The two countries maintain a pretty good sense of humor about the whole thing. Denmark naval officers will occasionally visit the island and leave a Danish flag with a bottle of Danish brandy. Some months later, a Canadian naval vessel will stop by, leave a bottle of Canadian Club whiskey, and replace the Danish flag with a Canadian flag.

18. A Lucky Winner Received a Replica of the Simpsons’ House

In 1997, Pepsi and FOX ran a contest that offered a grand prize of a full-sized, habitable, accurate-down-to-the-furniture version of the Simpson’s house. The winner of the contest could take the home or $75,000 cash, and tragically, they opted for cash instead.

But, the house existed. Architects, interior designers, furniture makers, and about a dozen other professionals were said to have gathered in a Las Vegas ballroom for weeks (the home was built in nearby Henderson, Nevada) and watched over 100 episodes of the Simpsons together to get the details just right.

19. Fairytale Mushroom Houses Really Do Exist

We know this looks like a set piece from “Lord of the Rings,” but this (and about two dozen others like it) are real homes you can rent on Airbnb in beautiful Charlevoix, Michigan. The homes were built by Northern Michigan native, Earl Young, and constructed mainly from stone and boulders from Lake Michigan and Lake Charlevoix.

20. It’s Bad Luck to Give a Knife as a Housewarming Gift

Superstition says that if you give a knife as a gift, you risk severing the friendship. The best way to give a knife as a housewarming gift is to tape a penny to the blade. This way, the recipient can take off the penny and hand it back to the giver. That way, they’re paying you for the knife, and it’s not technically a gift!

21. People Are Finding Hidden Rooms on TikTok

These stories are so incredible we wouldn’t believe them if we didn’t see them on TikTok. Secret rooms seem to be everywhere—and we are captivated. From a room behind a medicine cabinet in New York to hidden attics and basements, these clips are creepy and crazy. We can’t stop watching—and wondering what’s behind our walls.

22. Mark Zuckerberg Reportedly Owns Almost .5% of Kauai

Maybe Mark Zuckerberg just likes his privacy, but he certainly likes real estate. He and his wife, Pricilla Chan, are slowly accumulating over a thousand acres on the island of Kauai. In 2014, he reportedly spent over $100 million for 700 acres and added another 600 acres (for a cool $53 million) in 2021.

This property adds to his already impressive portfolio that includes a $7 million home in Palo Alto (plus the four he bought surrounding it), a townhouse in San Francisco, and his compound in Lake Tahoe, worth $57 million.

23. You Can Stay in Luke Skywalker’s Boyhood Home

The next time you’re passing through Matmata, Tunisia, and need a place to crash for the night, make sure to check out Hotel Sidi Driss. This location, from the original “Star Wars: A New Hope,” is hallowed ground for many of us nerds here at The Close, and you don’t even need to speak Bocci to book a room here.

Yes, you can sleep in Luke Skywalker’s house for as little as ten bucks a night. Just watch out for Jawwas.

24. A Canadian Company Owns The Mall of America

The largest mall in the United States, the Mall of America, is not American-owned. It’s owned by the Triple Five Group, a real estate conglomerate based in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. It also has its own ZIP code (55425). As of right now, there are no plans to replace the mall cops with Mounties or Starbucks with Tim Hortons, but if that changes, we’ll (politely) let you know.

25. NY’s Most Iconic Tower Sat Empty

Construction on the Empire State Building finished in 1931, at the height of the Great Depression, and as a result, immediate occupancy rates were startlingly low. In fact, in the first year that the building was open, only 23% of it was occupied, leading many New Yorkers to nickname it the “Empty Space Building.”

26. The Great Pyramids Are in the Suburbs of Cairo

When most people think of the Great Pyramids, they think of a mystical oasis accessible only by a journey across endless oceans of sand—on a camel. The reality is the city of Cairo has expanded so rapidly in the last 10 years that it is practically on top of this ancient site.

After college, my wife took a trip around the world, including spending a few days in Cairo. She told me that while sitting in a Kentucky Fried Chicken, she could practically throw a rock and hit the Pyramids of Giza. When I asked what she was doing in a KFC in Egypt, she declined to answer.

27. Housewarmings Come From Burning Mortgage Paperwork

In the early days of the mortgage, interest rates were pretty high (sometimes up to 15% or 20%), and the loans would often culminate with a “balloon payment,” similar in size to today’s downpayment. This made paying off a mortgage an even more momentous occasion, and homeowners would celebrate by throwing a big party and burning their mortgage documents.

Guests would bring gifts to help commemorate the home being owned free and clear, and this tradition has since evolved into what we now know as the housewarming party.

28. The Empire State Building Makes More Money From Ticket Sales Than Rent

Even before 2020 and the seismic shift in commercial real estate and work-from-anywhere economy, the Empire State Building wasn’t making much money from commercial rent. In fact, it’s estimated that about 70% of the building’s operating revenue comes from ticket sales to its observation decks.

If you’re not afraid of heights (or you loved “Sleepless in Seattle“), visit the open-air observation deck on the 86th floor. There’s also an indoor deck on the 102nd floor where on a clear day, you can see for 80 miles. Book the All-Access tour and get a champagne toast thrown in!

29. Expensive Real Estate Markets You Never Saw Coming

In 2010, the average sale price for a single-family home was over $6 million in Aspen, Colorado. The lowest-priced single-family home to sell in 2010 was a single-wide trailer in a trailer park with no land included for $559,000.

The 2020s have equally stunning price spikes—some more surprising than others. California, of course, has six of the 10 most expensive ZIP codes, with Atherton, California, leading the nation (Steph Curry lives there, sports fans). And for the first time ever, in 2021, metropolitan New York ZIP codes are not on that list.

But it was tiny Gibson Island, Maryland, that saw the biggest gain in 2021. Home prices soared 97%, and the island is number 23 on the list of most expensive ZIP codes.

30. The U.S. Supreme Court Is Very Well Appointed

Supreme Court judges are appointed for life, and many end up spending a significant amount of their time in the Supreme Court building, which makes it essential that they have all the amenities they need.

Though most of the newsworthy action of the Supreme Court happens on the first floor, up on the fourth and fifth floors, there are offices, study rooms, sleeping quarters, a fully appointed workout facility, and a full-sized basketball court, affectionately nicknamed “The Highest Court in the Land.”

31. Hollywood Was Originally a Real Estate Promotion

Lights! Camera! Mortgage pre-approvals!

The iconic Hollywood sign built into the side of Mount Lee has gone through a couple of iterations over the years, but the original intent of the sign was to promote the sale of homes and property.

According to the L.A. Times in 1923, the area would provide “… a clean, healthful atmosphere and beautiful outlook of the (Hollywood) Hills.” Hollywoodland was said to be “above the turmoil of the city,” and “the supreme achievement in community building.”

32. Russia Sold Alaska to the U.S. for $.02 per Acre

The United States bought the 375 million acres we now call Alaska from Russia in 1876 for $7.2 million, or about $126.5 million in today’s market. Though the Alaska Purchase Treaty certainly provided some upside to Russia at the time, the U.S. has come out a huge financial winner in the deal thanks to the massive oil deposits discovered in the 49th state in 1967.

33. Sears Used to Sell Mail-order Homes

If you think that Amazon is the pioneer of purchase-and-ship products, you’re forgetting about the mail-order catalog giant Sears & Roebuck of the early 20th century. You could buy just about anything through their giant catalogues, including a surprisingly large selection of homes.

These homes would be delivered to your address in the form of materials, instructions, and sometimes even tools. Sears bragged that, “Any man of reasonable strength, size, and intelligence can assemble a Sears & Roebuck home.”

The company sold close to 75,000 of these kits. We’ve highlighted some of our favorites that you can still buy today (in the resale market, of course).

34. ‘Love It or List It’ Films Two Different Endings

In HGTV’s popular show, “Love It or List It,” homeowners frustrated with their current homes, work with a realtor and a designer. The former searches for their perfect new house and the latter renovates their current one. The homeowners then must decide to “love it” and stay in their renovated home or “list it” and move on.

According to a Reddit user, the show filmed his family members both loving and listing their home and then aired the wrong one. The show chose to air the family moving when they really ended up staying.

Other Reddit users chimed in with agreement, adding that the show pays for 50% of the renovation and often the design choices are made by the producers, not the homeowners.

35. NY Requires Sellers to Disclose That Their Property Is Haunted

In a case that made it all the way to the New York State Supreme Court, the decision from Stambovsky v. Ackley compels sellers of real property in New York State to sign a separate disclosure if they do, in fact, believe their property is haunted.

Popularly known as the Ghostbusters Ruling, the case is frequently discussed in property law classes, cited in textbooks, and cited by other courts.

“Ghostbusters,” by the way, was written by Dan Ackroyd and based on his own family’s long history of ghost hunting.

Your Turn

Got a wild real estate fact that belongs in this article? Tell us in the comments below.

The post 35 Weird & Wacky Real Estate Facts That Are Actually True appeared first on The Close.

But since I actually want to see you all succeed this year, I thought some tough love might be in order. Consider this your intervention. I’m going to rip the Band-Aid off and talk about five ways to be the most boring realtor on Instagram. Then I’ll show you how to stop being boring while still posting real estate content that will make your phone ring.

Want more Instagram tips I used to grow my account to over 350,000 followers? Get my FREE e-book, 11 Secret Instagram Tips, here:

Get My Secret Instagram Tips

1. You Only Post ‘Just Solds’ & ‘Just Listeds’

If you want to have the most boring Instagram in the game, flood your feed with repetitive announcement graphics every time you sell a house, list a house, or put a house under contract. These types of posts guarantee a quick “scroll by” and little to no engagement. They aren’t interesting, they don’t provide value, they aren’t funny, and they invoke zero emotion.

To be clear, I’m not saying to NEVER post them. Of course you should advertise your properties and let people know you’re an active, successful real estate agent. Just don’t dedicate your entire feed to these types of posts.

How to Be Less Boring in 2022: Tell a Story With Your Listing Posts

Instead of posting the announcements as individual posts, do a weekly or monthly “round-up” where you bunch all of your Solds or Just Listed(s) in one post. You can do this as a slideshow style-post, a single template with multiple pictures, or as a video Reel.

Title it “Monthly Round-up” or “Inventory Check” and flash some photos or videos of the properties. This way you are still showing what you have going on without being boring over and over again.

How to Tell a Story With Your Listing Posts

Instead of just mentioning the price a house sold at, tell the story about the property. Talk about the sellers (with their permission, of course), what they did to the house, what it meant to them, why they sold it, the history, the offer situation, or anything else you found interesting about the deal.

Maybe mention something crazy that happened during the transaction or comment on why people fell in love with the house. Was there a particular selling point or something that made the house unique? Just saying it sold “over ask” isn’t cool anymore because everyone sells everything over ask in this market. Talk about how many offers there were and what the buyer had to do to secure the property.

Check out this post from Taya Dicarlo for inspiration. See how much more interesting that is than JUST a graphic? Shoutout to social media savant and friend, Tessa Bella, for teaching us these strategies on an episode of our Over Ask Podcast on how agents can make their Instagram (IG) feeds more entertaining.

2. You Only Post Real Estate Content

All real estate all the time is overwhelming for you AND your IG followers. You don’t want people to think, “We get it, you’re in real estate.” Posting only real estate content can make you seem like a one-dimensional, salesy, work robot.

How to Be Less Boring in 2022: Show Your Authentic Self

Show the authentic version of yourself. A great way to do this is on Instagram Stories, where you don’t have to worry about engagement. You like the Yankees? Post about it. You hated the new Matrix film? Post about it. You like eating upside down like a bat? Post about it. Here are a few realtors you can take inspiration from:

Editor’s note: Here’s the picture from Matt’s IG. I thought it would be silly to not point out that while his Ramones shirt is admirably broken in and looks pretty great under a blazer, he was also standing next to the most famous real estate agent on planet Earth. So maybe the Ramones shirt wasn’t doing all the heavy lifting here … but he DID get the client.

Katie Day, an agent in Houston, treats her IG story like a vlog. Following her is entertaining because she posts her entire day from start to finish, showing her audience real estate content and everything in between. We see her workouts, her favorite restaurants, her dogs, and her family + friends. Like Sara, you feel like you really know Katie from following her on Instagram.

Looking for meme templates to post on Instagram to spice things up? You can get all my funniest, most viral meme templates along with hundreds of other Instagram templates on Coffee & Contracts.

Visit Coffee & Contracts

3. You Only Post Your Wins

When I first started The Broke Agent, real estate Instagram was infested with grind culture: success after success, fitted suits, closings, nice cars, bottle service, motivational quotes, nauseating photo shoots, and so on. It was win after win, suited, and booted professionals. It was like everyone was playing a character of a realtor and that character lived the perfect life.

Showing your success is necessary, but only showing your success is unrelatable and boring.

How to Be Less Boring in 2022: Be More Relatable

Show your losses in real estate AND in life. You’re hungover and look awful? Show people. You lost out on a deal? Film a video and tell your audience what happened. Can’t think of what to say in a property description? Got a bad Zillow review? A buyer’s dad just ruined the deal? Pull out your phone and post about it.

I bet this content will perform better than a more traditional “win” post. You can be educational and provide just as much value by showcasing what went wrong in a deal and what can be done differently next time. Be relatable.

4. You Only Show Off a Luxury Lifestyle

A lot of agents when they first start out make the mistake of thinking their IG feed should look like a highlight reel from “Million Dollar Listing” or “Selling Sunset.” They go to broker opens and film other agent’s listings and act like they are doing deals north of $20 million when they barely know how to put a property in the MLS.

If your brand is luxury and you actually are doing that type of business, do you and absolutely show that lifestyle. But, if your clientele is looking at $150,000 fixers, this might not be the best strategy. It can also be boring for your audience to see the same pristine, unaffordable houses over and over.

How to Be Less Boring in 2022: Show the Lifestyle Your Clients Will Actually Get if They Buy

Show a variety of homes and lifestyles. Better yet, show the lifestyle and market that YOUR clients will likely be selling or purchasing. I know agents who have lost business because their followers think they only do luxury, and think that the agent wouldn’t want to represent them at a lower price range.

Another thing you can do to make your feed more interesting is to show the BAD real estate pics you come across on showings, open houses, and so on. Show shoddy contracting, awful paint jobs, wacky staging, and strange floor plans, for example. Sometimes the housing flaws are more interesting and engaging than the beautiful, perfect houses.

5. You Never Vary Your Posting Style

A feed using the same style of post over and over again gets boring. Unless you’re doing something like podcast clips or news, you should probably mix it up. Having the perfect-looking, uniform IG feed may be aesthetically pleasing, but I can assure you that your audience doesn’t care. They just want to be entertained.

How to Be Less Boring in 2022: Mix It Up

Mix it up. Hit your audience with slideshows, still image posts, text-based posts, videos, Reels, stories, Lives, reactions, and so forth. Look at my page for inspiration: it’s not just memes anymore. I have two to three different styles of posts every day because I know that people like to consume content in different ways.

Also, IG likes when you tap into all of its features and it’s good for their algorithm. I know Reels are IT right now (and you should definitely post as many as possible—it’s the best way to grow on the platform), but filming them and editing can get exhausting. Sometimes a text-only post can get your point across just as much as video.

Mixing up your content shows your versatility as a content creator and keeps your audience guessing. If you post the same style repeatedly, people might scroll right by because they already know what to expect. Variety will keep your audience more engaged and it makes your page way more interesting.

Over to You

How do you keep your Instagram from putting your followers to sleep? Let us know in the comments.

The post 5 Ways to Be the Most BORING Agent on Instagram (& How to Stop!) appeared first on The Close.

And while I’m never in the business of telling people what they can or cannot do, the fact is that real estate is a very client-facing industry. And psychological studies at Princeton, NYU, and Dartmouth have found that people judge you in a matter of milliseconds after meeting you.

We already covered men’s fashion do’s and don’ts. And now here are tips for us. Along with suggestions on what can replace these realtor fashion no-no’s. Your appearance as a realtor is an extension of your brand. Therefore, it’s crucial. And so is your comfort—so feel free to deviate from the list to what feels best for you.

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1. (Most) Leggings

The New York Times reported that leggings sales surged 21% in America and 61% in the U.K. during the pandemic. Which makes sense considering so many of us rocked the leggings look while on Zoom meetings, watching Netflix, and doing at-home workouts.

While many leggings look like athleisure, many brands have realized that women love the comfort of button-less pants. That’s why brands like Spanx and Sanctuary offer leggings that don’t look like, well, leggings.

2. Graphic Tees

On the way to yoga, I love my “Namaslay” shirt. However, it doesn’t exactly scream “working professional.”

I’ve concluded that there is no combination of words that will make me look professional. Sadly, that includes my favorite Foo Fighters shirt.

What possible phrase or brand will make you look like a competent, experienced local market expert? If you think of one, leave it in the comments section below.

3. Miniskirts

Here’s a rule that I generally apply to life: If I’d wear it to the club, I won’t wear it to work. Miniskirts fall into this bucket.

Plus, when showing homes, you might have to pick things up. Even Elle Woods from Legally Blonde got the memo when showing up in court.

4. Most Leather (or Vegan Leather) Clothes

I love wearing my faux leather. I just do. But some leather looks more professional than others.

And similar to my rule for miniskirts, my rule for leather is this: If I’d wear it to a punk show, I won’t wear it to work.

So, if you find a cute faux-leather vegan skirt (like this one from Banana Republic), great! But if you find something that maybe the Ramones would wear, then maybe back off.

5. Sneakers

Yes, sneakers are comfy, versatile, and can be quite fashionable. But NOT wearing them can level up your whole outfit.

And to be honest, you can find shoes that are ultra-comfy while still looking professional.

6. Ripped Jeans

Although they offer the unheard-of benefit of air conditioning your knees, ripped jeans send off the “I just don’t care” message that can be the kiss of death for your next deal.

In fact, ripped jeans, or jeans in general, are banned at many Manhattan brokerages that have written dress codes.

“People can be turned off by a broker’s clothes. If they looked like they just got out of bed or are too casual, it doesn’t give you the feeling that this person is taking care of themselves; you need to be put together.”

Allison Dubuisson, Douglas Elliman Source: Real Estate Weekly

7. Anything That Shows Too Much Midriff

Yes, Mariah Carey pulls off midriff-showing tanks exceptionally well. However, being an agent doesn’t involve performances at the Grammys. Here’s hoping that changes someday, though.

8. Workout Gear

The whole “I’m so busy; I just ran here from my yoga class” look does not show people that you’re a super-hard worker who sacrifices personal time for their career. (Even if your downward dog is Instagram-worthy.) It shows clients that you lack the ability to plan ahead.

9. Flip Flops

No one wants to walk around all day talking about mortgage rates and square footage with someone whose feet keep making flip-flop noises.

Worse, think of the beach bum message you’re sending to your clients. This leads us to our next fashion no-no …

10. Shorts

Yes, it’s hot out. Yes, three of the listings you’re schlepping your buyers to have crummy A/C. But that’s still no excuse to dress like you’re heading to the beach.

11. Tube Tops or Bandeaus

What might look great in a ’90s music video that would play on “Total Request Live” might not be great for a showing.

If it’s hot out, opt for professional-looking shirts that are sleeveless. They exist!

12. Anything See-through

For most clients, a sheer dress does not inspire the confident, professional look that you need to cultivate to win hearts and minds and close deals.

13. Floppy Hats … or Pretty Much ANY Hats That Aren’t Warm

Looking like you just jumped out of the back of a smoke filled VW bus at Coachella doesn’t exactly exude real estate professional, does it?

Don’t worry, though. In the winter, pretty much all bets are off, and fashion takes a back seat to warmth.

What Not to Wear as a Realtor: Advice From the Pros

“You should NEVER wear something ill-fitting, too tight, or uncomfortable-looking. The last thing you want is to have a client thinking you’re fidgeting and squirming because you’re being untruthful or trying to hustle a deal!”

– Lindsay Narain, Founder & Designer, VAUGHAN

“Don’t wear anything too sexy, meaning nothing skin-tight and no thigh-high slits. If you want to be on the safe side, these are some tried-and-true business casual staples: slacks, blouses, pencil skirts, button-downs, flats (closed-toe) or heels, and tailored dresses.”

– Amber Nuetzel, Merchandising Manager, Ever-Pretty

Men … You’re NEXT

Hello, fellas. Don’t think we forgot about you. I hate to say it, but you typically need WAY more help than we do when it comes to realtor fashion.

That’s why we’ve devoted an entire article devoted to the sins realtor dudes make. Like square toe shoes (gulp), light jeans (ick), and brightly colored shirts and ties (yikes!).

Over to You

What do you think of our list? Any fashion nightmares you think we need to add?

The post 13 Things to Never, Ever Wear to Work as a Realtor appeared first on The Close.

1. Black Blazers or Suits

Unless you’re moonlighting as a waiter or have a super-tight schedule before your uncle Fred’s funeral, black blazers or suits are a no-no for realtors—or any professionals outside the entertainment or catering industries, for that matter.

They keep popping up on realtors because there seems to be this myth popularized by Hollywood that professionals wear black suits. They don’t. Ever. Instead, go with navy blue, charcoal, or gray.

2. Plaid Flannel Shirts

“Hey, dude, love the shirt. You into Soundgarden? Me too! Man, I used to love them back in the day before I went to law school … such an amazing band … Anyway, have you seen a real estate agent around here somewhere? I’m supposed to meet an agent here, and he said he would get here by 2:30 ….”

3. Sneakers

Look, I get it. I really do. You walk a lot and want to be comfortable. Well, I walked more than five miles a day when I worked as an agent in Manhattan. I can tell you from experience that comfortable shoes are not necessarily as “soft” or springy as sneakers. Comfort is more about getting the proper support for your feet, and well-made dress shoes do just that.

High-quality dress shoes have cork insoles that offer far more support than any sneaker on the market. Even better, a well-made pair of dress shoes can be resoled again and again–unlike a sneaker that will wear out in six months.

If you’re on a budget, check out our guide to affordable men’s fashion for real estate agents: Affordable Men’s Fashion for Real Estate—The Ultimate Guide.

4. Square-toed Shoes

If there were seven deadly sins for male fashion for realtors, the square-toed shoe would be the first one carved into the stone tablet. If there is one rule on this list that you take seriously, let it be this one. I genuinely don’t have words to describe how ugly these are. Unless maybe your feet are square?

5. Visible Undershirt While Wearing a Dress Shirt

Some of you might balk at this one, but you’re going to have to trust me here: a crew neck tee peeking out from under your dress shirt’s collar just looks sloppy. More to the point, you’re essentially showing your client your underwear. Would you wear sagging pants that showed your boxers at the office?

6. Wearing Black Dress Shoes With Everything

Are you off to a wedding, or are you a professional I can trust to sell my house?

Here’s a not-so-well-kept secret in the fashion world. Black shoes are boring. Want to know another secret? Black shoes are LESS versatile than brown shoes.

Think about it. You can only get away wearing black shoes with black pants, charcoal pants, and maybe navy pants. Brown shoes, on the other hand, work with every single color besides black and some browns. Even better, they will look much, much nicer with navy blue than black shoes will.

A nice walnut-colored shoe will pop under blue trousers. It’s a teeny, tiny bit less formal than black, but that’s kind of the point, right? If you want to go expert-mode, you can match your shoes to your belt and your bag.

7. Red ‘Power Ties’

Another relic from the days of Michael Jackson and the Iran Contra affair? The power tie.

Appearing most often in red or other bold colors, it will just make you look silly. Even worse, the whole pop psychology behind the so-called power tie has been proven to be more worthless than the junk bonds from the decade in which it was born. Here’s a short article from Psychology Today to prove it.

Even if they subtly signify dominance, this is the exact opposite message you want your clothes to send to buyers and sellers. Who wants a dominant realtor?

8. Blazers or Suit Jackets That Don’t Fit

Fit is so crucial to the appearance of your suit or blazer that a well-fitting cheap suit will almost always look better than a baggy, ill-fitting expensive suit. You can see the difference between a baggy suit and a well-fitted suit in the picture above.

If you don’t believe me, head over to Brooks Brothers on your lunch break tomorrow and try on a $400 346 suit that fits perfectly, and then try on a $2,500 suit that’s a size too big.

9. Ties Below or Too Far Above the Belt

Another one of the seven deadly sins of professional fashion for realtors: Ties that are too long or too short will make your corporate clients think you snuck out of the mailroom to try to sell them a house.

10. Sweatpants or Workout Gear

Does this even need to be on here? Many people seem to think the whole “I rushed here from the gym” look makes them seem more dedicated, but in reality the opposite is true. It makes you look ill-prepared and desperate. Keep the sweatpants for the gym or the Wednesday night Netflix marathon.

11. Buttoning the Bottom Button on Your Blazer or Suit Jacket

Another unmistakable mark of the sartorial neophyte, the buttoned-up bottom button is one of the weird fashion rules that seems sort of silly when you first … ehhh, OK, OK, fine. It is a little bit silly.

That doesn’t make it any less of a rule, though, does it? How many silly rules does your association have? If you’re carrying a few extra pounds, then it will make your suit more comfortable when you’re bending over to shine your flashlight into a closet for a picky client. So yeah, maybe not a completely silly rule.

12. Chisel-toed Shoes

OK, OK, I know. You saw these in a GQ spread last week, and they looked amazing. What’s the big deal?

The big deal is the model you saw was probably wearing a pair of $1,200 Gaziano & Girling cap-toe oxfords or a pair of bespoke Jon Lobbs that probably cost more than your mortgage AND your car payment combined.

You can also be sure the stylist paired them with a handmade Isaia suit made from wool that you can only buy in, like, one remote village in the Italian Alps.

What I’m getting at here is that the $99 knockoff chisel-toe shoes you bought at Payless are going to look like they came from your Halloween costume.

13. Skinny Ties

Yeah, yeah, we know. You’re the “cool” realtor. But let me ask you, is your goal here to look cool or competent and professional? I can guarantee you your boomer leads don’t think you look fabulous. They think you look like a punk, not the kind who plays the bass and still has a skateboard.

14. A Full Break on Slacks, Suit Pants, or Chinos

I’m going to have to “break” with tradition here (sorry!) and say that any kind of break on your slacks or suit pants is verboten for realtors. Besides looking sloppy, a full break on your slacks hides your shoes, and if you followed our advice about shoes above, you’d miss out looking like this:

15. Shorts, Bermuda or Otherwise

When I was growing up, my father, a Marine Corps veteran, would never, ever wear shorts, even while chopping wood on 90+ degree days. When I asked him why, he just said, “Men don’t wear shorts.” This has stuck with me.

16. Flip flops

Yeah, it’s hot out. But that doesn’t mean your client’s wife wants to look at your nasty toes.

17. Deep V-neck Shirts

Are you auditioning for a boy band or are you a professional who can help me get multiple offers on my expensive house in a desirable (or not so desirable) location?

18. More Than Two Shirt Buttons Undone

1. No button undone = You better be wearing a tie.
2. One button undone = A little stuffy.
3. Two buttons undone = Just right.
4. Three buttons undone = Used car salesmen at a New Jersey nightclub in 1987.

19. Baggy Dress Shirts

Luckily, most designers have entirely abandoned this look along with the three-button suit, but buying two sizes too big because it’s “more comfortable” or pulling an old dress shirt from the closet will leave you looking like Jerry here.

20. Vests or ‘Waistcoats’ Whatever …

Again, not sure this needs even to be said, but just in case, let’s try a little experiment. I want you to quickly write down three professional roles or job titles who typically wear vests.

Don’t think about it; just write down the three professionals who wear vests that pop into your head first. I wrote down waiter, magician, and gunslinger. You?

21. Baseball Caps

Way, way too informal for a professional. Would you hire a lawyer who was wearing a baseball or trucker cap? I didn’t think so. Why should someone hire you? Save these for the weekend when you don’t have client meetings.

22. Graphic Tee-shirts

I know you think the picture I chose for this one is a joke, which yeah, duh.

Guess what though? This is exactly how that 72-year-old Korean War vet with the $2 million listing he needs to sell before he retires to Florida sees you when you’re wearing a graphic tee to work.

23. Trilbys/Fedoras

Ditto for the hats. They make you look like you’re a 16-year-old kid.

Yes, gangsters in 1929 Chicago looked kind of cool wearing them, but, yeah, you’re trying to sell me a house, not intimidate a speakeasy owner with a Tommy gun. It’s also not 1957, you’re not a spy for the CIA, and you look ridiculous showing up at a listing in your Trilby.

24. Backpacks

What do you even have in there? Your Game Boy, a Capri Sun, and your Adventures in Mathematics textbook? Well, that’s exactly what it looks like you’re carrying in there. An iPad, your phone, and a tape measure. What more could you possibly need for a showing?

25. White Tube Socks

You can wear white tube socks with your slacks or suit pants. You just have to answer one question: Are you David Letterman?

If you are, then, by all means, continue to wear white socks, and congratulations on the new show. If not … well, not a chance. Sorry. BTW, this guy is wearing $425+ Allen Edmonds Strands and is still not pulling off the white socks.

26. Leaving the Label on Your Blazer, Suit Jacket, or Top Coat

I don’t think there’s anything that makes me cringe more than seeing someone on the subway with the label still on their suit jacket sleeve. Any men’s shop employee that lets you walk out the door with that label on needs to be sent to the Hague to face trial for sartorial crimes against humanity.

27. Not Breaking the Thread on Your Suit Jacket or Blazer Pockets

Apparently, this is enough of an issue that the video above showing you how to remove the thread from your suit pockets (scissors, carefully) has 48,000 views.

That said, if you’re feeling a little cavalier you can always just grab the pocket and rip. It’s just like pulling off a Band-Aid with the added thrill of damaging something costly.

Oh, by the way, your cell phone goes in your inside breast pocket. If you put it in your side pocket, it’s going to flop around and look weird.

Your Thoughts?

Even though every single tip here comes from years of experience working as an agent, marketing professional, and editor in Manhattan, I am fully expecting a minor scale civil war to break out in the comments.

Don’t hold back. Hearing what our readers think is a big part of the reason we started this site.

The post 27 Things Male Realtors Should Never, Ever, Wear to Work appeared first on The Close.

Too many closings to keep up with? Bookmark this page and come back tonight to memorize a few of these cheesy, hilarious, and plain old terrible real estate jokes to tell at tomorrow’s team or client meeting. We’ve got some fresh new real estate jokes for just about every agent out there.

1. It’s Free Real Estate

If you’ve ever Googled “free real estate” and scratched your head at all the bizarre results, then congratulations. You’ve been exposed to the weird world of Tim and Eric. The humor here isn’t for everyone—in fact, some of you might end up MORE confused after watching this. That’s OK though, we have 95 more jokes and puns coming up next! We got you to close your MLS browser tab, right?

2. The Dual Agent

How does a dual agent sleep? Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

3. Not That Bright

The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright. When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name he just wrote “Capricorn.”

Download 12 Free Real Estate Memes

4. The Wedding

I’m getting married to a top-producing realtor tomorrow. He’s so dreamy. Check out the diamond engagement ring he sold me.

5. The Perfect CRM

CRM salesperson: “This CRM will cut your workload in half.”

Real estate agent: “That’s great, I’ll take two!”

6. The Lowest Inventory

Did you hear about the last remaining unit in the apartment building? It was last but not leased.

7. The Secret to Real Estate Success

After reading books by Tom Ferry and Brain Buffini, and going to seven coaching seminars this year, I think I’ve finally discovered the secret to making serious money in the real estate industry—I’m going to become a real estate coach!

8. A Realtor’s Prayer

“Dear Lord, all I ask is that you prove to me that money won’t make me happier by tripling my GCI this year.”

9. It’s a Pretty Catchy Tune

What’s a realtor’s favorite Christmas song? For Lease Navidad.

10. A Realtor’s Brain

A realtor’s brain is a miracle of nature. It starts working the day they’re born and stops working as soon as they need to pitch a homeowner.

11. Climate Change

I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”

12. Realtor Magazine

A realtor I know asked me if I read Realtor Magazine. I said I did read it, periodically.

13. We’ve All Thought About Switching Careers

Years ago, I worked with an agent named Beth, who was the best realtor in Beverly Hills. She dominated the entire Beverly Hills ZIP code and all her clients loved her. She did so well, she owned a Rolls Royce, a Ferrari, and a Bel Air mansion.

One day, Beth just disappeared. No one knew where she went and we were all shocked that she would leave such a lucrative career.

A few years later I went to SeaWorld and who did I see feeding a baby dolphin? Beth! Stunned, I walked up and asked her why she left real estate:

“Beth, you were the best agent we ever worked with and you had millions! Why did you trade it all to work feeding baby dolphins at SeaWorld?”

“You know, I just got fed up with how meaningless it was selling mansions. At least now I’m serving a youthful porpoise.”

14. Hey, Girl …

Hey, girl, are you a mortgage? Because you’ve got my interest!

15. Job Interview

A new agent walks into a realtor’s office for an interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months. Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it.”

16. The Truth Is Out There

What do great affordable contractors have in common with UFOs? You always hear stories about them, but no one you know has actually seen one.

17. The Curmudgeon

An old man walks into a real estate office and approaches the first agent he sees.

“What’s your name, sonny boy?”

“Hi my name’s Jeff, and I’d love to—”

“Listen here, Jeff, I don’t want to hear you yammering, I just want to sell my F%#%#ng house! Got it?!”

The agent, somewhat shocked, replied:

“I’m sorry, sir, I’d love to help you, but we don’t use that kind of language here.”

“Listen you, little F%$%ng whippersnapper, I just said I need to sell my F%$%#ng house!! I want to speak to your F#%%#ng manager!”

So the agent goes into the manager’s office and brings her out.

“Hello, sir, my name is Carolyn and I’m the managing broker here. How can I help you?”

“For the last F$%#%ing time, I want to sell my F$%#%^ng $5 million house!!”

“I see, sir. Is this D%#%#%ed here giving you a hard time?”

18. The Two-story House

My clients put in an offer on a two-story house. One story before the offer, another story after the offer.

19. House Attire

What does a house wear? Address.

20. The Lightest Building

What kind of building weighs the least? A lighthouse.

21. The Best Prize of All

At the weekly sales meeting, a Managing Broker makes an announcement:

“Attention everyone, I am happy to announce that this month, we will be having our monthly sales contest and we have a lot of great prizes for everyone who’s working hard.”

A new realtor in the back pipes up and asks:

“Well, what do we win?”

“It’s simple. The prize is getting to compete in next month’s sales contest!”

22. Is Your Mommy Home?

A young realtor is out door knocking one afternoon and came upon a little girl sitting on a stoop.

“Hi there, my name is Stacey. Is your Mommy home?”

The little girl nods and says yes, so the realtor starts ringing the doorbell.

After five minutes with no answer, she turns back to the little girl and asks her:

“Hey, I thought you said your mommy was home?”

“My mommy IS home but I live across the street.”

23. Insects

How many insects do you need to make money from your rental unit? Tenants.

24. But This Carpeting Cost Us an Arm & a Leg in 1987!!

Ninety percent of the people in this city hate carpeting. The other 10% hate YOUR carpeting.

25. He Made Him an Offer He Couldn’t Refuse

A real estate agent was standing at the crossroads when the devil suddenly appeared before him:

“I can make you the most successful agent in your brokerage, and you will sell 200 houses next year if you sign this contract in blood. In return, you will give me your soul, your wife’s soul, and your children’s souls for all eternity.”

The realtor didn’t even skip a beat before replying:

“Wait a second … what’s the catch?”

26. Hipster Real Estate Agents Are SO Over It

Why did the hipster real estate agent refuse to show the riverfront property?

It was too current.

27. Elevators

What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.

28. Aren’t Finished Basements the Best?

My bread and butter are listings with finished basements. They’re my best cellars!

29. The Truck Driver Client

My truck driver client was such a pain. Kept saying he wanted a house with long haul ways.

30. Don’t Trust the Listing Agent!

A listing agent I know promises a free abacus with every closed deal, but I wouldn’t count on it.

31. The FSBO Cold Caller

After being cold-called five days in a row, a FSBO finally had enough:

“FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME, I CAN’T SEE YOU THIS SATURDAY OR ANY DAMN DAY!!”

Without skipping a beat the realtor replied,

“That’s OK, sir, I sell prescription glasses on the side. Let’s schedule you an eye exam.”

32. This House Is for the Cats

Agent: “This house is great, but it’s really for the cats.”

Buyer: “What do you mean?”

Agent: “It will take you nine lives to pay off the mortgage.”

33. Doctor House, MD

Why did the house go to the doctor? It had a window pane.

34. The One About the Roof

Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it—it’s over your head.

35. ZOMBIES

What room in your house are zombies most afraid of? The living room.

36. He Lost the Client!

A commercial broker was working with a client who wanted to buy a hockey rink, but had trouble estimating closing costs. She ended up losing the client because she could only give him a ballpark estimate.

37. I’m Such a Great Agent Other Companies Won’t Stop Calling Me!

“I need a raise in my commission,” the realtor said to her Managing Broker. “There are four other companies after me.”

“Oh really?” asked the manager. “What other companies are after you?”

“VISA, Verizon, Con Ed Electric, and National Gas.”

38. Laugh

Real estate agents need to laugh at their problems. Everybody else does.

39. Say It Ain’t So!

What’s the difference between a Realtor and a Mortgage Broker? The Mortgage Broker knows he’s boring.

40. Two Pharaohs

Two pharaohs in ancient Egypt were shopping for a new pyramid, so they contacted a local real estate agent.

“We want the cheapest pyramid you have.”

Sensing his commission check getting smaller, the realtor offered a rebuttal:

“Most of my pharaoh clients want the luxurious pyramids since they can last for 3,000 years or more. Can I ask why you only want to look at cheap pyramids?”

“We want to get our mummy’s worth.”

41. Star Wars

Which Star Wars character would make the best realtor? Lando Calrissian.

42. The Cheap Apartment Buyer

My buyer didn’t have a lot of money to spend on an apartment, so I asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.

43. I Could Take ’Em!

“Eh, that realtor doesn’t look so strong. I bet I can take him in a fight!”

“Are you crazy? That guy says he flips houses in his spare time!”

44. He Looked So Loanely

Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself? He was a loaner.

45. Sure Seems That Way

“Hey, I might be looking to find a new brokerage. How many agents work at your brokerage?”

“About half!”

46. Communication Skills

My Managing Broker just told me I was fired for having poor communication skills. I didn’t know what to say to that.

47. The Truth Is STILL Out There

When I went to check out a new listing with my buyer, we were stunned to see ET sitting on the stoop waving his glowing finger in the air and asking us to phone home.

I decided to call my friend at the title company to see what was going on, and he told me someone put alien on the property.

48. A Hard Lesson to Learn!

49. The Cold, Hard Truth

Need more memes? Love The Broke Agent? Check out our collaboration with The Broke Agent here: 105 Real Estate Memes Realtors Can’t Stop Sharing.

50. The Problem With Being on Time

The only problem with being on time for your showings is that no one else is there to appreciate it.

51. Maybe Less of a Joke Than a Business Plan!

Follow The Broke Agent on Instagram for more memes.

52. Robots!

53. Perfect for San Francisco Agents

54. Her Managing Broker Is Named Cheeto Salsa

55. The Ultimate FSBO Challenge

56. This Real Estate Marketing Genius

57. Obi-Wan Kenobi Salvages Your Sunday

58. New Agents Be Like …

59. Headshots

60. Orange You Glad This Isn’t Your Listing?

61. Smile!

62. Clients Said Her Partner Sounded Kind of Wooden Over the Phone …

63. Git’r Done!

64. Serious Buyers

65. Yikes!

Read this alarming article every agent should read here.

66. 7 Tricks Realtors Use to Sell Houses, 1-3

Read the other sneaky tricks your competitors are using here.

67. See Google, Amazon, Apple, et al

Read the rest of this shocking story here.

68. The Contract

69. It’s in Good Condition!

70. NAR Violation

Hey, big guy, are you a NAR violation? Because you’ve got fine written all over you.

71. I Need a Better Split!

Agent: “Hey, I wanted to talk to you about bumping me up to a 90% split. There are three other companies after me right now.”

Broker: “Really? Which ones?”

Agent: “The Gas Company, the Electric Company, and the Cable Company.”

72. Mix-up at the Florist

A California agent always sent a bouquet of flowers with a nice personal card as a housewarming gift for his buyers. One day there was a mix-up at the florist, and his buyers ended up with a card that said: “Rest in peace.”

Furious, he called the florist to tell her how angry she was about the mix-up. Her reply?

“Look, I’m sorry for the mix-up, but just think, there is a family somewhere at a funeral who got a bouquet of flowers with a card that said “Congratulations on your new home!”

73. CRM

Hey girl, you know what the difference is between you and my CRM? My CRM costs $70 a month, but you’re priceless.

74. An Easement

Hey cowboy, I’m not asking you for an easement, just a mere right of recreation and amusement.

75. Property Inspector

Are you a property inspector? Because you were checking me out for hours at the open house on Sunday.

76. My Nickname Around the Office

Around the office, the other realtors call me coffee cause I grind so fine.

77. My Heart

Hey girl, you probably don’t know it, but you have a lien on my heart.

78. SwiftKey

Are you the latest SwiftKey app update? Because you’re just my type.

79. Signal Is STRONG in Here

Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I’m feeling a connection here.

80. Cold Caller

Hey good lookin’, I cold-call expireds all day but if you give me your phone number, I’ll make a hot call tonight.

81. Did You Just Feel That?

Is this listing in an earthquake zone or did you just rock my world?

82. State Regulations

I’m sorry, but state regulations and the NAR code of ethics require me to disclose how beautiful your eyes are.

83. Need That Map Stat!

Do you have a map of the listings we’re going to see today? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.

84. FHA Loan

Hey, big guy, are you an FHA loan, because you’ve definitely got my interest.

85. First-time Homebuyer

Talking to you makes me feel like a first-time homebuyer—nervous but thrilled.

86. Curb Appeal

With curb appeal like that you’re a prime property in my heart’s MLS.

87. The Garden Is Rather Secluded

This listing has a beautiful garden where we can put our tulips together.

88. The Blazer

Hey sailor, you like my blazer? It’s made out of girlfriend material.

89. Words …

If you were words on my exclusive buyer agency agreement, you’d be the fine print.

90. The Inspector Is Here

Baby, we can definitely skip the inspection because I can already tell you’re flawless!

91. Fired My Web Designer Today

Sadly, I had to fire my web designer today and get a Placester site. We just weren’t on the same landing page anymore.

92. Let’s Get Out of Here

What do you say you and me get out of here and go back to my place to check out my pocket listings?

93. Don’t Ever Use This One … Seriously

The local market has gone up and down over the years, but you’ll stay beautiful forever.

94. Your Showing Today

Hey hunk, your showing today must have been on the equator because you’re hot!

95. What’s Your Sign & Uh, …

Hey baby, what’s your sign, and are you already working with another agent?

96. Facebook Ad Strategy

You must have a killer Facebook ad strategy because you made quite the impression on me.

Over to You

Have some great real estate jokes, puns, or pick-up lines that we missed? Let us know in the comments!

The post 96 Real Estate Jokes, Puns & Pick-up Lines You Haven’t Heard 1,000 Times appeared first on The Close.

Want to learn how to make your own real estate memes? Download the Broke Agent’s free e-book: The Broke Agent Guide to Making a Meme below.

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1. Back to basics

2. Thinking vs doing

3. Real estate ‘gurus’ on Clubhouse

4. We’ve all been there

5. Wait, really? OMG, that is shocking!

Download 12 Free Real Estate Memes

6. I wonder how many clients’ pictures I am lurking in the background of…

7. Important research!

8. Headshots are never good enough!

9. I need this shower curtain actually…

10. I got most of my designations from a Cracker Jack box

11. What we all really want to say

12. The final straw was me talking about rent stabilization

13. Sometimes the training pays off

14. Oh great

15. Cold hard truth!

16. LOL, no you aren’t

17. Where are all the leads I was promised?

18. Social skills they should teach in real estate school

19. A different world is possible

20. Now what?

21. Pay it forward!

22. They know everything!

23. Finally!

24. Motivation!

25. Just smile & nod, smile & nod…

26. Good morning

27. ‘Disrupt’ all the things

28. Can’t make this stuff up!

29. The long, hard talk…

30. Sneaky

31. 30 going on 60

32. Ha, ha—this never happens with my deals

33. Did you guys hear about that real estate thing?

34. First rodeo

35. Sorry little buddy…

36. Pinterest…

37. 30 minutes!

38. What should you be doing right now?

39. Oh well…

40. We’re serious buyers!

41. Did I ask you?

42. When you close your first real estate deal ever

43. Newspapers

44. Well, does he?

45. They’re baaaa-aaack!

46. Awkward

47. The scroll of truth

48. Yikes

49. I need what to sell real estate now?

50. If I had a nickel for every time…

51. Not mandatory but actually totally mandatory

52. Never fails!

53. Oh my sweet summer child…

54. Creative photographers be like

55. Flat fee?

56. Dueling agents

57. Oh… too many to count

58. Referral time!

59. Plenty of room for a young go-getter like me

60. Luxury listings

61. Time for some R&R

62. New ‘investors’ be like….

63. MVP

64. How hard can it be?

65. What year is it?

66. Sorry!

67. Jedi realtor trick

68. Any minute now

69. Creative listing agents be like…

70. Hipster buyers are ruff

71. Every time!

72. Who needs a boat anyway?

73. But I went to NYU!!

74. Rich kids…

75. Time to make the coffee

76. Sister’s boyfriend’s uncle

77. Desk fees

78. Zestimates

79. Sorry, newbies!

80. The hardest question in the world

81. All about the Benjamins

82. Robots

83. When do I go viral?

84. Close one!

85. iPhone

86. Tough sell

87. The truth sinks in…

88. This guy…. We all know this guy

89. This is the one!

90. I pay him in Cheerios

91. Easier?

92. IDX

93. Desk sharing

94. Home staging

95. They don’t call it an escalation clause for nothing

96. Where do I start?

97. Leads!

98. Sketchy credit

99. Best friends?

100. Coaches…

101. The struggle is real

102. Have you thought about another neighborhood?

103. His uncle is the managing broker…

104. ‘Perks’

105. 100% commission brokers

Over to You

Have a spicy real estate meme to add to our collection? Let us know in the comments.

The post 105 Real Estate Memes Realtors Can’t Stop Sharing appeared first on The Close.

Here are the top 15 things we wish our clients knew about us—and about real estate in general.

1. We Make Less Money Than You Think

Whether your client is doing the math in their head during your listing appointment or gawking at the commission line on their closing statement, it’s pretty common for them to think, “Wait, I’m paying you HOW MUCH?!?”

We all know that even though you can make a great living in the real estate industry, the number your client is imagining isn’t anywhere close to the amount that hits your bank account.

Not only do we have brokers to pay, but we also cover expenses like marketing, lead generation, and technology. We’ve also got to pay for things like health insurance and taxes out of pocket—the sorts of things that most of our clients don’t even consider.

The reality is that as agents, we’re lucky to take home 25% of the commission bottom line.

2. Homeownership Isn’t for Everyone

Nobody wants to squash the American Dream, but let’s be honest, homeownership isn’t for everyone. We’ve all had clients who make us realize after spending a few days (or even a few minutes) in their company that working with them just isn’t a good idea.

Being a homeowner is a lot of responsibility. Homeowners have upkeep, regular maintenance, and improvements to cover. They’ll also be required to pay taxes, insurance, and utilities on top of their mortgage payment—all the while monitoring the health of their investment.

The fact of the matter is, some buyers simply aren’t aware of what it means to be a homeowner and the additional expenses involved—and once they find out all that it entails, they reconsider.

3. Our Contract Makes Us Exclusive—Stop Talking to Other Realtors

We’ve all been there—chatting with our client about plans to show them homes this upcoming weekend when they casually mention that their other agent already has showings scheduled.

When two (or, God forbid, more than two) agents discover they’re working for the same client, things get sticky very quickly. In some states, add to the mix that just the act of showing homes to a buyer creates implied agency—and suddenly you’ve got a real situation on your hands.

It sucks, but when this happens (and it will eventually), you’ve got to be professional, work with the other agent involved, and figure out a solution.

Pro Tip: Want Well-informed Clients? Do These Three Things

4. You Are Not Likely to Find Your Dream Home

HGTV has trained our real estate buyers to think that they’re going to find their dream home. In reality, we as real estate agents know that this is very unlikely to happen.

Even though our buyers see people with absolutely ridiculous criteria and a limited budget miraculously pluck a needle from a haystack on TV—getting exactly what they’re looking for in about 10 minutes—we understand from experience that buying a home is more about consistency and compromise.

Of course, if your client has listed absolute must-haves for their next home, we want to find them. But checking off absolutely everything on the list? Unlikely to happen.

5. Every Home Needs Staging, No Matter How Great Your Decorating Taste

It doesn’t matter whose house you’re selling—every single home needs some form of staging. Many of our clients fancy themselves the next Joanna Gaines, and while they may have legit interior decorating skills, they fail to realize that they’ve decorated their home to live in, not to sell.

Commonly used furnishing and decor strategies that are designed to maximize space and flow serve to give potential buyers a better window into what it would be like to have their stuff in the home.

These strategies are often counter to how people live in their own homes, so staging your client’s home is, more often than not, essential to success.

6. Buying a Home Requires Cash, Even if You’ve Secured a Mortgage

Yes, we all know buying a home is expensive, but that’s what the mortgage is for, right?

As agents, we know there’s more to every transaction than just the money the bank is giving you. When buying a home, your client needs to have cash reserved for a down payment, an inspection, an appraisal, and to cover closing costs from their mortgage and title companies—not to mention miscellaneous expenses that might pop up through the escrow process.

A savvy buyer has an additional 2% of their home’s purchase price in cash reserves to cover out-of-pocket expenses.

7. Selling Your Home Also Requires Cash

Some of the most challenging sellers to work with are the ones who are cash-poor. The fact of the matter is, even though the expenses are different for a seller than for a buyer, sellers still need to be aware of out-of-pocket costs.

Staging, curb appeal improvement, professional cleaning, some closing fees, and, of course, moving expenses often can’t be paid for using the proceeds of a client’s sale. Sellers should reserve 1% of their estimated sale price in cash to cover these potential expenses.

8. Your Zestimate Isn’t Accurate

I’ve honestly lost track of how many times I’ve had to explain to clients that their Zestimate is, at best, a starting point for the value conversation about their home. Sellers see a high number on their Zillow app and don’t stop to consider whether or not it’s accurate. They are too busy making plans for the money they think they’ll generate by selling their house for Zillow’s outsized and outrageous estimated value.

Pro tip: The more volatile the market, the less accurate automated home valuation tools like Zestimates can be. These tools work by conducting mini comparable market analyses (CMAs) based on very general data. So the faster a market is moving, the harder it is for those tools to yield accurate results. Make sure to offer your clients and prospects personalized CMAs. Share your process with them and let them know why your estimated valuation is accurate, and why the other guys’ aren’t.

The Market Snapshot tool from Top Producer can help realtors by giving you what you need to easily send your clients accurate, up-to-date CMAs in a format that your clients will actually read and understand.

Check out Top Producer

9. An Open House Is Likely to Benefit Me More Than You

Open houses are good for a lot of different parties in a real estate transaction. Buyers like them because they are a low-pressure way of independently looking at multiple properties in one day.

Agents like them because open houses provide an opportunity to get in front of a bunch of prospective clients, collect lead information, hand out business cards, and earn new business.

So, why do sellers like them? It’s not because they bring the best offers. Open houses may generate a lot of traffic, but the vast majority of qualified offers come from represented buyers through private showings.

Our theory is that sellers like open houses because they satisfy the client’s need to know that their agent is actively working to sell their home. Open houses are visible, public, and an event. Still, sellers build up the open house up in their mind as the “day their house gets sold.”

10. Once You’ve Applied for a Mortgage, Don’t Change Your Financial Situation

In general, most real estate agents report that the topic their buyers are least educated about is financing—specifically, qualifications, timelines, and processes. How many times have you helped buyers who’ve secured a mortgage pre-approval, but who don’t realize they don’t yet have a mortgage? What they do have is a budget to start shopping for a home.

The worst thing your buyer client can do during their mortgage approval process is to change their financials. Moving the needle (in the wrong direction) on the debt-to-income ratio by doing major credit card shopping, getting a small personal loan, or even buying a vehicle can completely submarine their mortgage approval.

11. I Can Fire You

It’s true. We can fire clients. Yes, even listing clients. If your buyer or seller client is toxic, abusive, or has proven themself to be unworthy of your time, emotional energy, or resources—feel free to release that client!

Should you choose this route, most buyers and sellers will leave with their tails between their legs. But clients who make a stink—especially those with whom you have a listing contract—need to be reminded that their listing contract is actually with the brokerage you work for, and not with you personally. If they want to remain listed with the brokerage, your broker can easily reassign their listing to another agent.

12. I Have a Life Outside My Job

A lot is expected of real estate professionals when it comes to scheduling and availability. Think about it. Nobody gets mad at their doctor or their accountant when they don’t pick up the phone to answer a question at 9:30 on a Sunday night. But when your phone goes to voicemail, your clients may react as though the world is coming to an end.

Look, we get it. There will be rare instances when time is of the essence and, to act in our client’s best interest, we need to be on call. But those occurrences are so few and far between, they’re almost not worth mentioning.

The truth is, our clients have outsized expectations regarding our availability. But that doesn’t mean you should stop living your life. Setting appropriate expectations and boundaries around your time and ensuring everyone in a transaction understands when and how they can reach you is critical to your success.

Pro tip: When it’s time to unplug for a little while, a virtual phone system is an excellent tool to help you. Grasshopper offers a simple solution, letting you easily switch between your personal and work cell number on the same device with just a few clicks—and you won’t need to carry two phones around. Check out how Grasshopper can help you create better work-life balance.

Check out Grasshopper

13. I Negotiate for a Living, Trust Me

“Let’s just put in a low-ball offer, see what they say.”

These 12 words have provided a steady stream of revenue for wine and liquor stores located next door to real estate brokerages for years. Whether it’s a buyer who wants to take a moonshot with a near-insult level, low-ball offer—or a seller who feels emboldened by their recent Zestimate to respond with an over-asking counter offer—our clients regularly feel like they should be the ones in the negotiation driver’s seat.

What buyers and sellers lack are perspective and experience. They don’t have your practiced negotiating skills, the transactions you’ve got under your belt, the tried-and-tested strategies that have helped you get ink on the dotted lines. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be open to new ideas or approaches, but when it comes to the nitty-gritty, back-and-forth of negotiations, our clients hired us for our experience.

14. Your Home Is Likely Worth Less Than You Think

Believe it or not, most sellers don’t walk through a thorough comparative analysis of their home when coming up with their desired selling price.

They hop on Zillow, see what the neighbor’s house is listed for, see what a couple of homes across the street sold for a couple of years ago. Then they run all that haphazard data through the filter of “this living room is where my kids took their first steps and the backyard is where we took their prom photos and oh-my-god-I-love-this-house”—and BAM!—their house is worth $88 million.

You can’t put a dollar value on emotions and memories, but you certainly can’t price a house based on them either.

15. You Need to Read Every Single Word of Any Contract You Sign

This advice feels like something we shouldn’t have to remind our clients about, but honestly, it is shocking how many clients don’t read the contracts that directly affect the most significant financial moments of their lives.

I even go as far as to read them out loud if I think it’s necessary to help them completely understand exactly what they’re committing to. The reality is, as a fiduciary for our clients, we have a responsibility to put their best interests front and center. That means getting creative (and staying persistent) in making sure they are entirely in the know, every step of the way.

Your Turn

What did we miss in our realtor-client reality check? What are some things you wish you could help your clients understand—that they currently don’t have a clue about? Tell us in the comments below.

The post 15 Things Realtors Would Love To Tell Our Clients (But We Don’t) appeared first on The Close.

I remember thinking, “Is everyone in real estate killing it besides me?” So I started to call out these fake “sales gurus” on @thebrokeagent and quickly realized I was not alone. The real estate community rallied around the posts in agreement that the half-agent, half Gary Vee-style life coach content needed to go.

Because my job revolves around consuming real estate content all day, I thought it would be cool to put together a list of 11 hilarious real estate agents who I think are doing it right on Instagram. All of the agents on this list have found unique and entertaining ways to promote their real estate business without being too sales-y. Check them out if you need some inspiration for your own Instagram (IG) account or just need a good laugh.

**NOTE: These are in no particular order, so don’t get mad at me.**

1. Taya DiCarlo @tayadicarlo

Taya DiCarlo is a Compass agent in the South Bay of Los Angeles. If I had to recommend one profile for new agents to draw inspiration from, this would be it. Her feed is a perfect variety of real estate posts, market updates, humor, education, personal hobbies, and family life.

Her content is both professional and relatable as she showcases her wins, her losses, and her charismatic personality. My favorite part about her Instagram is her weekly show on IGTV called Taya’s 2 Cents, where she educates her followers on real estate definitions and the aspects of a deal.

2. Matt Lionetti @matt.lionetti

Matt Lionetti is a “top producer” with The Agency in Toronto. He also happens to be my arch nemesis and the “co-host” of the Over Ask Podcast. So, this pick is slightly self-serving because I’m the other host.

But, as much as I hate to admit it, Matt produces the funniest and most accurate real estate videos on Instagram. His first posts were skits of frustrating, yet all too relatable phone conversations with clients and other agents. He really started to gain traction after his infamous “Freddie Mercury” parody.

He does a great job at using his passion for music and comedy to promote his listings and real estate business. Matt’s content has continued to evolve with Instagram as his focus has shifted to high-quality vertical video and Reels. As of this writing, his account has exploded to over 24,000 followers (no thanks to me, of course), and he has started to get a lot of leads on Instagram from his videos.

3. Aken Moose Musa @yourfriendlyneighborhoodmoose

Aken Moose Musa, aka “Moose,” is a Connecticut agent with one of the best personalities on Instagram. He takes the happiest closing pics with his clients that I’ve ever seen. It’s actually kind of annoying because I’m cynical and jealous that he has clients and successful transactions, but it’s hard not to smile at his page.

Moose posts a wide variety of content on Instagram that includes home improvement tips, wacky marketing promos, rap parodies, and memes. He’s also recently made multiple appearances on HGTV’s “House Hunters.” He looks like a fun guy to have 10 closing drinks with, and I imagine his followers and clients feel the same.

4. Derrick Gregory @derrickswflrealtor

Derrick Gregory is a Florida Realtor whose Instagram strategy has been to go heavy on high-quality comedy videos. He does parodies, Reels, memes, character-skits, and has a fun IGTV segment called “Real Real Estate Stories.”

When you go to his feed, you will immediately notice eye-catching thumbnails and hyper-relevant content. It seems like he’s got a video for every holiday or pop culture event that takes place. I wouldn’t be surprised if he makes a video for “Flag Day.” Another thing I like about Derrick is that he has the guts to go Live on Instagram. Even if he’s just playing the ukulele to seven viewers, he understands that going live pushes his name and content to the top of people’s feeds.

The goal of a real estate agent is to stay top of mind, and Derrick Gregory is always at the top of your feed. He should make a shirt that says: “Top of your mind and top of your feed.” Actually, no, he shouldn’t.

5. Dan O’Neil @danoneil

Dan O’Neil built the number one team on Long Island while maintaining a perfectly trimmed beard and neckline. He caught my attention when he posted a hilarious real estate parody of the Netflix show, “You.” He seems to outdo himself with every video, as he can be seen falling off jet skis, riding horses, and smashing fax machines with a bat.

Next, Dan is going to tightrope walk the Grand Canyon supported by nothing but a “Just Listed” sign for balance. Recently, Dan’s been posting previews of his new Vlog to Instagram, where he displays agent interactions, client negotiations, commutes, showings, and the overall day-to-day of a busy agent. He cries in one of them.

Also, it’s important to mention that the production value of all his videos is insane. I don’t know how he got Michael Bay to direct his open house tours, but the kid knows how to brand and entertain. The only strange thing I noticed about Dan is that he always seems to have a small hand towel draped over his shoulder, like a caddy waiting to clean a golfer’s club. He’s a must-follow.

6. Buffalo Real Estate Lady @buffalorealestatelady

Kim Santana is a Buffalo real estate agent—and I know this because her Instagram handle says so. Kim has a unique Instagram where she actually memes herself and puts captions above her own pictures and poses. She must have read my e-book.

My favorite part about her Instagram is her story strategy. She does funny rants in her car and consistently engages her followers with polls, votes, and questionnaires. If you follow her, you will also get the pleasure of occasionally seeing her cute and fluffy doodle, Louie.

7. Dan Lee @dan_lee_plum

Dan Lee is an Australian agent with Plum Property. His Instagram is full of high-production, fast-paced, comedic listing and marketing videos that look like they were shot in Hollywood. He recently posted a seven-step series called “The Road to Tosser,” where he plays the character of an insufferable real estate asshole similar to the ones I mentioned in the intro. It’s basically a “What Not to Do” guide for real estate agents, and he nails every single one of them. The series is legitimately laugh-out-loud funny.

One other thing I’ve noticed about his content is that he starts every video off with a quick-hitting joke. He understands that the first three seconds are critical to keep the audience engaged and to continue watching.

8. Byron Lazine @byronlazine

Byron Lazine is a real estate renaissance man building teams and selling luxury properties in Connecticut. He is an agent/podcaster/speaker/awful golfer who I consider to be the Joe Rogan of our industry. The only difference is he’s not jacked, not funny, and the biggest guest to appear on his show was either me or Tom Ferry.

Jokes aside, Byron’s Instagram content is unique in the real estate space because of his podcast clips. Byron displays his vast real estate knowledge with commentary on the market, opinions on current events, critiques of opinions, brokerage gossip, and more. I like the way he formats his clips with super-engaging titles that almost force you to watch.

He’s also recently started to dabble in Reels, where he performs cringe-inducing reactions and gives advice to new agents with a very stern demeanor. The more you watch Byron’s content, the more you learn about what’s going on in the real estate industry.

9. Yackeline Leiderman @yackelineleidermanrealtor

Yackeline Leiderman is a Miami Realtor who has also gone the comedy route to grow her Instagram. Like Kim, Yackeline memes herself in videos and pictures with real estate captions that make fun of current market conditions and agent-client interactions. She must have a full-time photographer following her around because she has a pose or video for every scenario and trend. What really sets her content apart is her unique ability to match facial expressions to her captions. She should win an Emmy or Property Spark award for her acting abilities.

10. Jason Cassity @jason_cassity

***Please disregard this fake business call post … I believe this was a momentary lapse in judgement by Jason.***

Jason Cassity is a luxury realtor with Compass in San Diego. He loves Compass and Compass loves him. What I like about Jason’s Instagram is that it doesn’t annoy me. He posts with a purpose and focuses on quality over quantity. For example, during the height of the pandemic, he filmed videos that promoted restaurants and small businesses and provided COVID resources for his followers.

He comes across as a genuine, approachable community leader who isn’t constantly trying to jam real estate down everyone’s throat. Almost all of his content is educational or helpful to people in San Diego. I can’t believe I’m saying all these nice things about him because I know him. I hope he doesn’t read this. Anyway, he also did a cool IG Live series where he interviewed other agents, organizers, and marketing experts that were later published in full to IGTV.

11. Eric Simon @thebrokeagent

Editor’s note: I was given the rather unpleasant task of editing Eric’s “article” and wanted to point a few things out. First, he handed in his first draft on crumpled up Burger King napkins he found under the seat of his car. Second, Eric is way too modest for someone who runs a bona fide real estate comedy empire. @thebrokeagent is the funniest real estate Instagram account around and it’s not even close. So if you’ve been living under a rock for the past few years and don’t know about The Broke Agent, do yourself a favor and follow him right now.

Over to You

There are so many more agents I can name who are crushing it on Instagram, but top 10 lists do better for search engine optimization (SEO) purposes, so I had to stop there (more or less). Overall, it’s been awesome to see so many agents embrace their personalities and utilize humor as a tool for Instagram growth and marketing. Who are your favorite agents to follow on Instagram? Let me know in the comments.

The post 11 Hilarious Real Estate Agents You Need to Follow on Instagram Right Now appeared first on The Close.

That’s why we worked with some of our industry friends—including NYC Compass power broker Vickey Barron and top agents from Warburg Realty—to put together this list of the most annoying, cringey, counterproductive things real estate agents say, and what we think they should be saying instead.

1. ‘Everything I touch turns to sold!’

First, no it doesn’t. Second, you might want to actually read the story of King Midas before using this one. Spoiler: it didn’t end well for him.

What to Say Instead

Take the time and effort to come up with an original slogan that isn’t a cliche. We even have some slogan advice to help.

[Related article: 27 Best Real Estate Slogans & Taglines: 2021]

2. ‘I love referrals!’

Yeah, they know. Literally every sales professional on Earth does too. Do you also love oxygen and food?

What to Say Instead

Work a pitch for referrals into your closing process. This will give you a chance to make your case for earning a referral, and also make it easy for them to take the next step.

[Related article: 9 Tips to Earn More Reviews & Help Build Referrals & Repeat Clients]

3. ‘I have buyers lined up to buy your house!’

You know you’re lying. They know you’re lying. You know that they know you’re lying. They know that you know that they know you’re lying. So stop lying.

What to Say Instead

Use one of our FSBO scripts to make your case without the whopper.

[Related article: The 5 Best FSBO Scripts of 2022 & Why They Work]

4. ‘That tax lien can be cleared up in a week!’

If you ever wanted to see what the inside of a courtroom looks like from the defendant’s chair, saying things like this is for you.

What to Say Instead

The one phrase every real estate agent should have on their bathroom mirror: “I am not a lawyer or your lawyer, but I can help you find someone to research this.”

5. Brand-new agent: ‘I’m the best agent in this city!!!’

One look at your Zillow profile will tell them otherwise. Getting your foot in the door based on a lie will usually come back to haunt you.

What to Say Instead

Don’t say anything. PROVE IT.

6. ‘Call me for pictures!’

Unless you have a stunning, high-end pocket listing, this will almost always set off red flags for buyers. The first question they will ask themselves is: What are they hiding?

What to Say Instead

Nothing. Just take great pictures and post them.

[Related article: 33 Cringe-worthy Bad Real Estate Photos Agents Actually Posted]

7. ‘I will send you a FREE market analysis!’

This one is from Compass New York City power broker Vickey Barron. We have to say we never really thought how silly it is to tell clients your comparative market analysis (CMA) is FREE when all CMAs are and always have been free. Vickey didn’t mince words on this one: “My pet peeve is the tag line ‘free market analysis’! Seriously? When have we ever charged for one?”

What to Say Instead

“Hey, I just wrapped up a thorough market analysis for the house which we can go over in detail when we meet on Wednesday.”

8. ‘It’s up-and-coming!’

You’d be surprised how easy it is for a conversation like this to veer into fair housing violation territory.

What to Say Instead

Give them the data. “Prices for 3-bedrooms in this neighborhood have gone up 20% more than the rest of the city. There’s also a great new coffee shop right around the corner.”

9. ‘That wall isn’t load-bearing!’

Again, unless you want to wind up in court, avoid promising anything when it comes to renovations.

What to Say Instead

“Hmm, I’m not sure if this wall is load-bearing or not, but I will add this to my list of questions. I am going to text the listing agent tonight.”

10. In a cramped, dingy basement: ‘This is usable space! Could be an art studio!’

Honesty is always the best policy. Does that basement really look like it has potential for an art studio? If it doesn’t, then say so.

What to Say Instead

Maybe stop talking for a minute and just look at the damn basement with your buyer?

11. At an obviously tiny listing: ‘It’s quaint!’

Asking people to not believe their own eyes is a surefire way to erode trust and lose buyers.

What to Say Instead

“Not a ton of room here, but the actual square footage lines up with other listings we’ve looked at. Let’s look at another listing with the same square footage but better layout to compare.”

12. At an obviously run-down listing: ‘It’s rustic!’

Nobody likes a liar.

What to Say Instead

“Ugh, sorry about this one, I’m going to give the listing agent an earful about how misleading those pictures are. Let’s grab a coffee on me before heading to the next listing.”

13. ‘I can get you more $$ for your house than other agents!’

You’re just begging to end up with a disappointed seller who stops returning your calls if you make promises like this.

What to Say Instead

“Pricing your home correctly is actually one of the most important steps in marketing. Let’s talk about what that means for your home.”

[Related article: Sean’s 47-Point Ultimate Real Estate Listing Marketing Plan]

14. ‘If your home doesn’t sell, I’ll buy it!’

The first agent who came up with this probably made a ton of money. Today, it’s an old trick that almost everyone sees through right away.

What to Say Instead

“Pricing your home correctly is actually one of the most important steps in marketing. Let’s talk about what that means for your home.”

15. At a Home Depot Special Listing: ‘Check out the luxury finishes!’

Unless you’re working with the Beverly Hillbillies, you should always just be honest about subjective things like the quality of finishes.

What to Say Instead

“The owner just renovated the kitchen. I really like these cabinets—what do you think?”

16. ‘Serious buyers only!’

I mean, are you TRYING to push leads away?

What to Say Instead

Just tell them how great the listing is.

17. ‘Steps away from _______’

OK, this one is personal. It seems like every agent in New York City used this line at least once in a listing. OK. The Upper East Side is also “steps” away from Brooklyn. Thousands and thousands and thousands of steps.

What to Say Instead

Just give them a damn number! “Three blocks to Whole Foods!” How hard is that?

Phrases Agents Use That Annoy Other Agents

Here are some more annoying phrases that annoy top agents at Manhattan luxury brokerage Warburg Realty.

Broker Sheila Trichter said:

“Jaw-dropping views”

I always picture the broker’s jaw falling on the floor. Then, I pick it up and try to reconnect it to his face.

“Rare find”

I picture steak tartare. Yum.

“Circle back”

Drives me crazy. I wonder, does the agent walk around in a circle? Doesn’t the agent get dizzy?

“No problem” instead of “you’re welcome”

No problem, in general, is annoying.

Broker Hala Lawrence said:

“Sun-splashed”

Seems to be everywhere, and it’s irritating. I think “flooded with sunlight” is much better and not so phony-sounding.

Agent Bonnie Lindenbaum said:

“Price improvement” as opposed to “reduced”

“River views”

Considering one has to stick their head out of a window and do a complete exorcism right turn to see a sliver of it.

“Cozy bedroom”

Meaning: a glorified closet with a window.

Broker Ellen Sykes said:

“You don’t want this”

An assumption on the part of the agent even if they think the client won’t like it.

Agent George Case said:

“This apartment has great bones”

Translation to a buyer: You’ll have to gut renovate it.

“The market dictates the price”

Translation to the seller: The apartment won’t sell at the price we agreed to, so we’ll have to lower it.

“Well, it has a lot of useable space”

Translation to the buyer: It’s small, but you can squeeze in.

“It’s a jewel box”

Translation to the buyer: over-decorated tiny apartment with a high price.

Agent Gerard Splendore said:

“This won’t last”

The copy looks particularly ridiculous when a listing is over three months old.

“Do we have a deal?”

The buyer should want to make an offer, not have to be prodded to do so.

“Bring your sunglasses”

Implies there is never a cloudy or rainy day at this location.

“Has all the bells and whistles.”

What are you advertising? A circus float or a home?

Bonus Videos: Sh*t Real Estate Agents Say

We couldn’t resist adding these hilarious classic videos of sh*t agents say. If you haven’t already watched them, take a few minutes and watch them now. You won’t regret it. And for even more great video content, visit our recent roundup: 7 Hilarious Real Estate Videos You Need in Your Life Right Now.

Over to You

What phrases drive you crazy when you hear an agent use them? Let us know in the comments!

The post 17 Phrases You Probably Use That Clients HATE + What to Say Instead appeared first on The Close.